


fail with consequence

by aeinlookalike



Category: Fe - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 16:42:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12821703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeinlookalike/pseuds/aeinlookalike
Summary: fail with consequence,lose with eloquence and smile.you're not in this movie,you're not in this song.





	fail with consequence

**Author's Note:**

> a prequel  
> with love to a friend for enabling this again............ and for her late birthday.........
> 
> not proof read, too tired jdhhdjsh SORRy

He wakes up in a cold sweat and normally that wouldn't be anything unusual, just a daily occurrence nowadays, but it's the man beside him who immediately bolts upright himself in a daze and in a tangle of limbs that Ryoma gets startled at.

"E-enemy?!"

"No, you fool," the high prince sighs, pushing Xander back. "Nothing here at all." Except for the future and what was eventually coming, but Ryoma is silent, trying to cover his own fear with amusement of the other man who is still confused beyond belief.

"Then why..." Xander yawns, cut off temporarily, "what is it?" 

"Nothing." His answer isn't honest, but he's not entirely sure the Nohrian prince will catch it, tired as he is and all. Lidded eyes look up to Ryoma who's still sitting up, pulling after his arm. He obliges, laying back down beside him, trying to recover the body heat lost in the cold. He tries hard not to stare into the other man's eyes, sure that he'd be caught in the lie. "Go back to sleep." The high prince says soothingly, laying a hand over the other's back. "I thought I heard something, but it was just the wind."

He feels guilty of robbing his lover of much needed sleep that Ryoma almost forgets why he had woken up. If woken up could be a word for how jarring he had been ended with. Lightning flashing, trembling words, a final goodbye; he gasps, blinking out the vision and suddenly he's aware of Xander looking at him, eyes narrowed. Now suddenly, he's not so sure he could get away with it anymore.

"Just the wind?" It's clear in his voice how disbelieving he is of Ryoma, but he couldn't back down, not now. How do you explain to your lover that all you saw when you closed your eyes was the way you died? The violent way you left the world of your own volition with no other choice and the sense of failure? His entire responsibilities and duties... gone? The high prince gently brings his hand up to the other's face again, making Xander only lift an eyebrow. All gone because of one wrong choice.

"Just the wind." Ryoma murmurs and the crown prince sighs, not saying anything more. They are both unwilling to push past whatever barriers they still have, understanding how difficult it is. It's bad to show weakness, and even worse to show fear. To each other, this was already beyond what anyone could've expected. 

That's just why this was so much harder. If only he hadn't gotten attached. He can't curse his luck though, with how Xander is, maybe it's selfish, but he knows they both find comfort in each other, the way their composures can fade and common worries of theirs can be shared. Their burdens, their duties, all of them together and although not entirely pushed away, they are eased within each other.

The hand gripping Xander's cheek tightens slightly and almost immediately the Nohrian prince's own hand seeks it, gently placing his over Ryoma's. "What is it?" His question is repeated and Ryoma can only stare helplessly. 

"What will happen when we return home?" He asks it softly and almost in a rhetorical way, but Xander still narrows his eyes in concentration, trying to find an actual answer as Ryoma continues, "where will that leave us?"

"I don't know." His reply is so honest that Ryoma almost flinches until Xander sighs quietly. "I couldn't tell you, but we're here now, are we not?"

"We can't avoid this forever." Ryoma's voice drops, harsh and loud, entirely out of place in this quiet setting and they both know it, judging from how Xander lifts an eyebrow.

"I suppose we can't." There's silence between them, and both their hands drop from Xander's face, almost in disappointment, not in each other, but in small despair. It creeps up on them from time to time, but only one man between them truly knew to what extent how horrible the future would be. The darkness is comforting because this way, at least Ryoma can't see his lover's face too well. He loves him, but for now, the sorrow sits between them both and it's hushed, stamping out any affection they wanted to either begin or end with.

But Ryoma knows if he tells him, the ghosts of both the princes will eat them alive. Specifically Xander. It's already halfway through his own heart.

Was this unnecessary? What did the two of them gain from this? More pain, waiting, unsure of everything but one thing; the eventual separation, heartache. What was this worth? What could be told from this? If he were to die anyway, what did Ryoma hold here? Temporary, meaningless, useless, all of this pointless, gone within the wind, nobody else privy to it but themselves in their memories. What use were memories anyway in the face of something permanent, like death and heartache?

The other prince slips a hand around his waist and Ryoma's surprised for a split second, cutting the rest of his thoughts off. "I apologize." His confession is muffled and genuine, but also a tad cautious. Even before Xander's words are out though, Ryoma sighs. He knows he's not at fault. Neither of them are really. Despair is a difficult thing to grasp, and the high prince knows there's plenty of that between them for the future, especially if it's a constant thing that looms over their entire lives together. 

It's enough to make him sick. He can't say they have their whole lives ahead of them because Ryoma doesn't even know how much longer they'll have. How could they? He's bitter at the unfairness of it all, he's not mad at his lover, it's hard to be when this is the only true good thing he's experienced since coming here. Ryoma can't regret what he has right now, but sometimes there is anguish in what they're trying to do. Stave off the inevitable, bring back a peace that's useless, do more than what they always planned to do...?

"Let's go to sleep." Xander murmurs. "Tell me in the morning when it's brighter."

Brighter. The future could never be brighter with what's coming. Still, with a heavy heart that he pushes down hastily, Ryoma nods. "Good night, Xander."

"Good night, Ryoma."

Before his courage can fail him, the high prince presses on for one more line, unsure how many times he could possibly say it while he's here now. "I love you."

There's hesitance as if Xander's taken back by the sudden phase that isn't said too often between them. It wasn't really necessary with how well they understood each other in the looks and simple touches they shared constantly, but his own reply comes within a few seconds later. "I love you as well."

Ryoma didn't sleep much that night.


End file.
